Hamster in My Head

I am living with a hamster in my head...or at least that's how it feels. And he's not very happy or well behaved. This one has a way of running around the Habitrail of my mind at three in the morning, throwing around bits of mental cedar shavings and hamster scat. It's no wonder I wake up in a cold sweat, unable to sleep.

Once I am awake, my hamster gets really busy. Running on his squeaky little wheel, my thoughts racing along with him. The subjects wobble from bills, to kids with shaky behavior, to work, to what I'm going to do about my mom and her dementia. I lie there, my thoughts racing the hamster, no finish line in sight, as the hours tick toward morning.

Ever been bitten by a hamster? It hurts! Well, if you've ever tried to sort out the things that bite you at 3 a.m., it's pretty much the same thing...they bite back and don't want to be dragged out of their cage, either. But, I continue to try to tame them. I really don't want that wild hamster running around in there forever. It makes my mental cage too hard too clean.

Getting rid of this thing won't be easy. I don't think the pound will take a mental hamster. And I can't give it away as a pet. I am going to have to face him head on and tell him to get out, and take all his, ok my, baggage with him. But if I keep it up, I think he (and I) will get the hint. And then we'll both be free of the cage of my mind, and all the mess that's in there.