It's hard enough to write regularly. At least, it is for me. Maybe it's because I'm a procrastinator, or I get writer's block, or writer's cramp (is there such a thing anymore?), or maybe I'm just plain lazy. Hard to say. But when on top of all that, there's just plain no good news to report, and it makes sitting down at the ol' keyboard totally daunting.
There's this weird thing in our society, where we seem compelled to ask each other, "How are you?" But, we aren't actually allowed to answer the question honestly. The only acceptable answer is, "Fine." Oh, there are variations on the theme, including, "Fine thanks, how are you?" "Great!" and "Super!" But, we are rarely fine, great, or super, and when asking after the other person, most people don't listen to the answer. This is because the person who asked in the first place doesn't really care, either. Well, not true. Some of us might care, but we aren't about to break ranks and answer honestly first.
It's just not okay in our society for things not to be okay. I'm not sure why, since we live in a state of information overload, most of the time. Between Facebook status updates, Twittering, texting, voicemails, and emails, it's almost impossible not to know how people are. But, most of us use Facebook to share fascinating tidbits like, "Frank just can't wait til Friday!" and the whole point of Twittering is to limit messages to 120 characters. What can one really share in just a couple of lines? "Shelley is loving the summer sun!" (or not loving it, depending...) I know people who send hundreds of texts a day, and most of them are just smiley faces and abbreviations that end up saying nothing at all.
Not wanting to be the rebel, I find that I clam up and shut down when things aren't peachy keen. But that makes it harder and harder to say much of anything. I begin editing myself more and more closely, til eventually I find that I'm not talking to anyone, writing anything, or sharing anywhere, with anyone, at all.
So, here's the thing: I'm gonna have to find a way to write no matter what. Even though quite honestly, things pretty well suck right now. My ex is making life hell (well, that why they call them exes), my teens are, well, teens (meaning that the hormones are running pretty fast and thick around my house...), my bank account is dwindling, and I remain remarkably unemployed. And to top it off, the flowers I planted, died. There ya go. I'm sure there is a silver lining to the clouds that have rolled through my world lately, but quite honestly, I don't feel like looking for it. I am just too tired.
So, even though no one asked, I'll tell you how I am: pretty darn bummed. But, I'll survive. In fact, I will be fine. Really, just ask me.
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