Beauty on a Budget

There's an article in one of the current "women's magazines" that extols the virtues of caring for one's skin, and suggests the proper products for day and night care. As a woman over forty (wow…I knew that was true, but as I type it out, it seems so much more real!) I am looking for every secret I can find. Well, at least all of the ones that don't involve surgery, injections of poison, and applications of chemicals that remove layers of skin and leave one looking like a burn victim for weeks at a time.

Most of the suggestions make sense: moisturize in the morning before applying makeup, use a minimum SPF 15, remove makeup at night, apply moisturizer again, and apply specialized treatments to the eyes and other parts of the face that may be showing signs of age (forehead, lips, and neck are prone to get especially wrinkly, as I have found when I peer into the mirror; the one in my bathroom can be pretty forgiving. It's the rearview mirror in the car that I find really horrifying. I glance into it every day to make sure that I am not going to back into anything, and then I nearly smash into the car behind me anyway, because I am so distracted by the craters I find between my brows, the "laugh lines" around my mouth, and the **gasp** sun damage I can see in spots around my whole face from those silly teen years when I slathered BABY OIL, yes, BABY OIL all over my body and then deep fried myself in the California sun at midday! Oh, if I could go back in time, I would yank that foolish child inside and put on some sunscreen! Well, I would also tell her to have better posture, work harder in school, not worry about boys so much, learn how to ballroom dance, and pay more attention in math class. But since we are not real close to inventing a time machine, I guess I am going to have to live with the sunspots, my inability to dance, and a checkbook that balances only when I open a new account.)

Armed with a newfound appreciation for the importance of skin care, I head to the store to stock up on beauty products. I am a little wary, since along with fine lines, spots, and some deeper regrets that no lotion can ever soothe, I am also burdened with sensitive skin. I have spent fortunes on an array of products in the past, only to end up looking monstrous because of swollen eyes and red, bumpy rashes. Even when purchasing products that are specifically labeled "hypo-allergenic" or sold under the guise of being for "sensitive skin," I will be the one person who is allergic to it. Therefore, if I find a brand that doesn't make me itchy & rashy, I tend to stick to it. I may have to pay a little more, but I will buy a name brand if I can tolerate its formula. I am wary of branching out because of my skin's rebellious nature. I realize though, that I need more than just the one moisturizer that I have been slathering on every morning for 15 years, and so off I go to the dreaded beauty aisle.

Cleansing products are the first order of business, since it is the hardest for me to manage. I will admit: I am a bad girl when it comes to face washing. I commit the cardinal sin of going to bed with my makeup on. Apparently by doing this, I am risking everything from clogged pores (not a big risk for me, since I don't wear foundation, but still) to eye infections, raccoon eyes (not an actual condition, just ugly to wake up with) and stained pillowcases. I am still traumatized from my last experience with makeup "wipes," which left me with swollen eyes and eczema. Ironically, because I had tried to be a good girl and remove my makeup every night, I ended up having to go without eye makeup for 2 weeks before I recovered from the allergic reaction. And this was from a manufacturer that markets their products as being "hypo-allergenic!" But, it is summertime, and I want to be able to wear waterproof mascara, which is notoriously hard to remove, without special products (all of which, in the past, have ended up turning my eyes into red swollen slits.) In addition, the price of these makeup removing solvents is staggering: 25 wipes=$6.99 and that’s with a coupon! One bottle of cleanser: $9.99, and then I still have to buy cotton balls (which always shred when applied to lashes stiffened with mascara, YUCK); or one jar of makeup removing cream: $12.99, YIKES! And then I still have the application & removal issue: cotton balls, tissue, etc. I know myself too well. I will never be able to afford to keep buying those wipes. The cleanser or cream will annoy me if I have to apply it every night and get cotton fluffies in my eyes, and really: if I haven't gotten in the habit of doing this fancy routine in the first 40 years of my life, why would I go to the trouble of doing it now? I need something quick, cheap and easy (and no smarty-pants comments of "that's how I like my men" thank you very much).

As I think about what would be gentle, thorough, and non-irritating (ok, here's where you can insert the comment about "that's how I like my men") it occurs to me exactly where to find the stuff to clean my face. I leave the beauty aisle and head for the baby aisle. Wipes are indeed the answer, just not the ones that are $6.99 for 25! I pick up a box of Pampers baby wipes, the ones for "extra sensitive skin" and they are on sale, $1.69 for 170. And, I can get refills for even less! In the same place I find the other item I will need: baby soap, for a gentle wash in the morning, $1.29. I always hate washing my face in the morning since shower gel burns my eyes, and dries out my face. Problem solved, for just under $3.00.

Now that I have saved so much on the face washing items, I can spend a little extra to get the moisturizer in the name brand that I really like. I get Oil of Olay in the unscented version, so as not to upset my "babied" skin, and with SPF 15, just like the article suggested. I know it’s silly to have a “thing” for Oil of Olay, but my ex-mother in law always used it, and she always seemed so pretty and smelled so good when she put it on. Granted, she was only 35 at the time(yep, 2nd wife of the ol’ ex-father in law, you guessed it), but I was 22 and needed to learn this stuff: I have stuck with the Oil of Olay ever since and because it doesn’t make me rashy, I wouldn’t dare switch now. Plus, I’m not too wrinkly yet, and neither is the ex-mom in law. Now is that coincidence, or Oil of Olay? I am not going to find out the hard way! The special moisturizer for eyes and lips could be a challenge for the wallet, but there's a trick here, too.

First the lips: there are actually special products in the beauty department just for the lips. One can spend anywhere from 99 cents to $10.00 on lip stuff. From Chapstick to special "Lip Renewal" creams, there's a whole line of products dedicated to the kisser. I didn't buy any. When I got home, I looked at my bedside and found that I had the perfect answer: Bag Balm. Although I am not up on "udder" problems, so to speak, I have treated hands, lips, and flu-reddened noses with Bag Balm for years, with great success. The 10 oz. can is a little more than most folks need, but for about $8.99 it is a steal. I tend to get the tiny .5 oz guy, and for $1.99, it is a beauty bargain.

The eyes actually required a little luck. But this was a good lesson in the value of beauty bartering. I wanted to try the Oil of Olay eye "treatment" since I love their moisturizer, and I was sure it would make my eyes smooth and wrinkle free for years to come. However, when I went to buy the stuff, I found that I would pretty much have to qualify for a second mortgage on my home in order to afford it. I was so disappointed. I was tempted to invest in the product anyway, but I just couldn't imagine the budgetary sacrifices I would have to make. Could I promise myself not to have lattes for a year? Maybe, but not likely. Would I eat at home more often? Well, probably, but at this price, it would have to be mac and cheese at home. Bummer. Would I swear not to add to my shoe collection for a whole season? Ha! What good would smooth, non-crinkly eyes do me if I was shlumping around in last year's strappy sandals? I was in a quandary. I mentioned my dilemma at work. A co-worker heard the name of eye cream I so coveted, and she interrupted me to tell me that she had bunches of it at home! Her mother in law bought it for her, and she felt so insulted to have "wrinkle cream" thrust upon her that she wouldn't use it! Granted, she was in her 20's and therefore could have claimed justifiable homicide in this case; but I was too excited to discover a stash of eye wrinkle cream to contemplate helping her commit murder. She offered to give me the eye cream for nothing. And I was tempted to take it. For nothing. However, I thought about having a little moral fiber (it's the only fiber I have; I am not much of a health nut, although now I am finding out that a healthy diet is good for the skin, too, so I may have to shop in the fruit and veggie aisle at the store too. Bummer). So, I mentioned that I happened to have a pretty good supply of hypo-allergenic makeup remover pads (remember, the ones that gave me puffy eczema eyes?) and it turned out that Miss 20's Eye Wrinkle Cream was a big fan of the make up pads. So, we bartered some beauty and both ended up happy. And her mother in law didn't have to die. Hard to say if that was really a benefit or not, but we'll say, just for the sake of argument, that the lady was a good person with really bad gift-giving skills. I hope so, since I am hoping for more wrinkle cream for Christmas.

The point of all this is that you never know where you might make a "beautiful" discovery. There are some items that are a must-have, like a favorite name-brand item. Those things are worth saving and sacrificing to afford. Some things, like cleansers, makeup removers, and lip balms, can all be substituted creatively and inexpensively. And the nicest discovery: friends can trade items that haven't worked out, so that no one wastes and everyone wins. (Unused, of course. It would be kinda gross to share someone else's used lipstick. Remember what your mom always said, "You don't know where that thing's been!" Well, in the case of lipstick, even though you DO know where it's been, it would still be gross. But sharing leftovers of cleanser, moisturizer, and other ill-advised or unwanted gifts, or purchases is not only nice, it's even a form of recycling, if you want to be all "Green" about it!)

So I think I have a pretty good skin care plan now: I can get clean and moist at bedtime, clean and moist in the morning, fill in the cracks and craters around the eyes, Bag Balm my lips so that they are totally kissable, and protect myself from any more of that awful sun damage. Now I just have to stop the aging effects that it turns out I am doing every day when I consume all the bad stuff it turns out is in my diet. Anyone know which part of the grocery store I should start searching for the fat-free, low carb, caffeine free, anti-aging diet foods?